Holy Crow?!

Buzzards, Buzzards everywhere.

There's like 5 turkey buzzards landing in the middle of the street, fighting over something rotting, and landing loudly (and rudely) on the locals' roof tops (mine included).

I bet they've uncovered the corpse of an orphan child drug addict or something.

Since the dealers have moved out, it's like the Michael Jackson's Thriller video every time the nearby middle/high school lets out for the afternoon. I'm half tempted to walk out with a cassette blaring the music just for the added effect...

Imagine cracked-out, living-dead teenagers wandering through people's yards lusting for the drugs that are no longer supplied to them from the Drug House that's now been transformed by "Flippers"....It's a pity really. The zombie children don't have drugs, I have less entertainment, and I have more nightmares about the undead than ever.

It's all rather inappropriate and I am considering writing a letter into the mayor or congress or whomever and letting them know how I feel about it. My neighborhood might not have been better, it might not have been safe, but I damn well always had something to do before my miscreant neighbors all disappeared into the legal system.

Now, Not only I and these kids feel the loss, there's giant birds roaming the streets. At least they dissuaded the ice cream man from circling my block eighty friggen times. I loathe the ice cream man and his little ditties.

It's odd that I've gone from one Hitchcock movie that pleased (Rear Window) and digressed into the plotless world of The Birds.

Damnit.

I wonder if my cat's inside?

Heeeeeeeey Youuuuuuuu GUUUUUYS

November 7th – two kids on a yellow moped just drove down my street honking a high-pitched horn at a whopping 7 miles an hour (or so it seemed). One kid with red hair was perched on the back like a bird, and when they pulled in at my crazy neighbor’s house, the bike just fell over with both of them on it. I guess perching is not such a wonderful idea for bikers. It reminded me of the Simpsons episode where the little old mole man rides a tricycle in circles and then just falls over. Ahh memories.

Anyway, the honking alerted a guy inside to come on out and laugh at them. Now they’re drinking beer on the porch.

Did I mention they’re probably about 16

Did I also mention it’s 11 a.m?

The children are our future….sweet. It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright sun shiny day!


….should I try and steal the moped for Nick when they’re inside arguing over prices?

November 8th – I’ve lost everything, the crazy neighbors put up a for sale sign. What’s wrong with this state that even drug dealers can’t afford it?!?! I am asking you.

I mean...the television will never be this entertaining.

November 11th - 2:43a.m. 4runner keeps driving in circles around the block at like 50 mph without lights on….stopped in front of my house, which is odd….and sat there…turned lights on-off-on….then took off again.

Circled the block a few more times then stopped in front of my house again…only on the other side of the street and let a bunch of people out.

I heard a lot of yelling…they crossed the street to their drug haven and all seemed quiet.

3 a.m. I notice more cars coming by…2 cars come down my street right next to each other…and stop in front of my house!

I was freaked out…then noticed…hey those are cop cars….mind you, they had NO lights on at all. Sat there…seemed to be talking to one another. Then one turns his spotlight on, and scans the area. They split up and disappear.

Well, I thought I’d have nothing to write about between the for-sale-sign and the move out. I was wrong.


Wow….40 minutes later and nothing has happened. Weird, very weird.

Ok…cops are still cruising…and so are several other cars that frequent the crazy neighbor house. I went outside…with stealth, mind you…and heard angry banter at the crazy house. Wonder what is going on….did one of them escape, Sloth Goonies style? I hope not. How terrifying.

Thank god I have my trusty dog, Eva. (I also hope they do not know she’s all bark and no bite)

Bangin'

November 6th – Quite dull today. Only got a few screeching cars that could have easily taking out my little sapling. Way to drive, assholes.

Anyway, the only interesting thing was the minivan o’ commotion. They also drove into the lawn, did three full circles in the 4 way intersection, started screaming, drove into the crazy neighbor’s lawn, honked several times, and fled the scene.

Is honking punishable by law? It should be, quit it damnit. I’m concentrating on useless trivia. My sister told me we eat 200 spiders a year, so I had to find out more idiotic crap. Did you know if a female ferret goes into heat and cannot find a mate, she dies? I bet the bar scene for ferrets is BANGIN! (God I hate that word)

Shots fired?

November 5th – 2 a.m. As I was sitting outside with my sister, a man is walking down the street perpendicular to us. We watch. He goes to the crazy house, turns around, and addresses us, “Did you just hear those gun shots?”

“No,” we both replied, “from what?”

“Did you see a red Grand Prix drive by, and hear anything?”

“No, sir.” I quickly said. “Nothing, why is it your car?”

“Yes,” he said, “I gave it to a friend to take my momma home.”

“Oh.” My sister and me said in unison…while we were thinking…”SHIT.”

So, yes, I saw the same man earlier during the evening when Kelly and Nick were moving cars around in my driveway. He was in the middle of the street screaming, “WHAT…WHAT?!?!”

Anyway, I was outside feeding Milo and Uzi (Pym has gone missing…it’s a tragedy).

I was a wee-bit nervous. Then Kelly came outside, and by then he had walked down the street away. I was still so nervous, that when I thought Nick got back I went outside with a butcher’s knife. It was a little crazy of me, as nothing was going on, and yet, I felt it was needed.

Well…that was several hours before the incident just recorded, and yet, I am no longer afraid of this man. Hell he doesn’t even have a car anymore.

But what the hell is with the shots fired?


Oh crap…he’s back…

Ok, nothing much just wandered around a bit and sauntered off.

Misfits...Hallowe---ee-eeee-n Halloweee-eee-eeee-eeen

October 31st - It’s going to be a slutty, slutty Halloween. It’s only 2:30 and already I see a baby in a diaper (this one is not a costume as it’s an actual child…but it isn’t wearing a shirt!), a girl in a red mini-dress and horns, and a girl in black boy short underwear and a black mid drift….not sure what she’s going to be...or if it's even a costume.

I’m going to be a stepford wife. Creepy huh?


Ugh...


Just spotted, a bitch.

Tonight will be wonderful.

5:00 p.m. - Crazy devil whore running down the street…not sure why. It gets worse; her black stockings are LACE!!! Terrifying. Utterly terrifying.




Ok…. Now 2 a.m. and people driving into the yard…again at full speed…. thankfully these people live there....or are buying or whatnot. Is that something to be thankful for?

The owners vs. strangers driving into a neighbor’s lawn…..hmmm…not sure. I’ll remind myself to figure it out before thanksgiving dinner.

Anyway now they are outside of the car…and have fallen over. Twice. Now they are yelling, but I am not sure why because it doesn’t seem like they are arguing.

I wonder what will become of this.

Seemingly, not much. Dismayed I turned away from my window, as my wonderful neighbors trucked inside…the yelling trailing behind. I guess I will never know why they do what they do, but I will continue to study in hopes of finding out. I bid them good evening and a Happy Halloween. (My ode to Twilight Zone…oh and yes…this did happen with much crap writing thrown in…they did yell, they weren’t mad, and they did go inside).




Dooo doooood ooooooooooood doood oooood oooo Tune in next week (maybe tomorrow?) for the next thrilling installment of… “The Twilight Weird Ones Next-door!”


Ok, so I stopped too soon, just before bedtime at 3:15 a.m. a car came screaming down the street, no lights on, hit the speed bump, continued at speed, and did the necessary 90-degree turn into the creepy neighbors yard. Of course…the rest of the creepies were waiting outside (or at least 2 of them). The new arrivals got out…oddly checked all of their car lights, and continued on inside after exclaiming, “Woah, dog, what a night….I can’t tell you how much I need this….(trailing off as they go inside the house).”

I’m not sure if “dog” or “dawg” is correct here.

Please comment, but the implications seem clear. Wonder what he needs. I do love the amusement this street offers.

What a wonderful Halloween, and the Stepford Wife ensemble went swimmingly, as I’m sure you wondered.

Inflation

October 27th
Red crap car 1982 drives full speed into the lawn as I am conversing with Veronica over the computer.

Minutes later a fight breaks out between teen girl one and crazy crap car driver…..they’re screaming, it’s raining, and I have no idea what’s going on.

I bet it’s inflation. Man, that shit affects everyone.

Join the Clan

October 20th – Somebody just fell off the front porch. It was definitely amusing, and possibly made funnier by the fact it was me. Yes, I am now a crazy neighbor as well. I was just trying to reach the cat damnit.

And right now, (3:00 pm) there are two adult males playing football in the street. They keep hitting my jeep. Get out of my yard you asshats!

Crap Grass

October 18th - Not much activity recently, to my nosey dismay, but I did just see a red car drive by 6 times. It is also 4 a.m.

The car drove down one street, turned around immediately past my house, came back, circled the crazy neighbor block, came back down my block, then turned and parked in front of my house for about a minute. That was a tense minute as I am sitting here at my computer with crappy see-thru blinds. After a minute they backed up partially into my lawn and peeled out.

Wonderful. I should get some snazzy rocks like the Acres. I hear those rocks are in part due to my sister. Thanks for the lawn idea!

Bastard neighbors and their shitty dope-needing clients. Why can’t dealers use pagers anymore? Jeez.

Leave my crap grass alone.